Tag: Life
Another list by Elizabeth Doherty (yes, this is what today’s to-do list looks like… with commentary)
- Get ready for work tomorrow (I can’t be the only one who gets their clothes and stuff ready beforehand, right? It means I get to sleep in!)
- Check celebrity gossip sights (It’s research, okay?! Kind of. Maybe a little bit. Okay, it’s just fun.)
- The Policeman’s Ball (My goal is to get my first novel published this summer, but it needs revision. I’m on my first of at least two revisions, and it’s hard. I wanted to get four chapters done tonight. Maybe I’ll just do two. I’m so tired.)
- The Walking Dead (Have to finish my rewatch so I can cross it off my list and start something new. The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt maybe???)
- Steam eyes (I’ve been having some trouble with them. My doctor told me to do this. My grandma had eye problems SO I AM TERRIFIED.)
- Write blog (Can they tell I only update these things on Tuesdays? It’s my light day! I can’t help it!)
- 10,000 steps (Why haven’t I hit that goal yet? And how am I going to do that in an apartment?)
I make one of these every day. Can you tell why I lovehate lists?
I feel like I am losing my mind. (Maybe it’s just because I’m exhausted. Are Tuesdays more exhausting for anyone else than Mondays?)
- I was driving home from work yesterday and opened my water bottle thinking, “Man, if I spilled this right now, it would go all over my lap and make it look like I peed myself.” I then proceeded to do just that.
- I planned my WHOLE WEEKEND around grading the 150 essays that I need to grade for work. What did I leave at work? All of the essays. And the folders I had to organize. Who doesn’t have a key to get in on the weekend? That’s right.
- I was looking for this pen that I like to use when I write. It went missing. I looked for it for three days. I tore my apartment apart. Where did I find it? Hiding under my TV remote.
I’ve always been a little ditzy ( a lot according to my family), but this week I seem to have misplaced my brain. Where do I find it?
Hey all! I wanted to take a minute to tell you all about a new blog. One of my best friends in the world writes it, and you should all check it out because it is exactly what I’ve envisioned this blog being (and failed at!) except funnier. It’s really great to read, especially if you’re a young adult in the world, trying to figure it all out.
I know it’s on another site, but check it out anyway!
http://adulthoodbites.blogspot.com/
Do you ever envision your life in the movies?
I don’t mean picturing you yourself in the movies, starring alongside Johnny Depp or Halle Berry or whatever. But more, do you picture yourself as one of the characters in the movie that you’re watching? Do you imagine what your life would be like if you were that character? Because I do.
And I sound totally pathetic.
But hear me out. As a teacher (who loves her job) slash summer camp counselor (maybe not so much) with no significant other and not much of a social life, there comes times when I like to lose myself in the movies.
When I was little, I would imagine myself as a spy as my class walked from our classroom to the library for reading time. Even my early writings drew a lot from the films that I love. (Why Liz, I hear you asking, does that mean that you wrote fanfiction? Oh yes. Yes it does. And the Harry Potter lover in me still misses it.)
Writing this blog was inspired by movie watching. Julie & Julia, which is about a bloggist, and Meryl Streep’s Julia Child impression. (What? I was in a Stanley Tucci mood.)
I don’t know. A part of me thinks that, from time to time, envisioning life as a movie can be good. It can break the monotony of, oh, I don’t know. A humid summer spent supervising hundreds of children as they play dodgeball and soccer over and over again. For me, it has helped me write on more than one occasion. Throwing my characters into a movie scene in my head, or turning something that I’m going through into a movie scene has helped me when the dreaded writers’ block hits.
And as long as I’m not living in my personal head movie all of the time, what’s wrong with it?
What’s your favorite movie, readers?
When I was little, I used to pride myself on not being emotional. “I’ve never cried during a movie,” I thought. “Except for Titanic.” But who could blame me there, really? She had to let go!
When I was a little bit older, I wondered if that was right. My friends cried over movies, over music, over breakups. They would sit around crying with each other over how terrible life was (we were teenagers, after all), while I would leave the room. I had a privileged life, not a whole lot of hardship, but even when tough or sad things happened to me, like my grandparents dying within two days of each other, I pushed through. I might have cried briefly and moved on. Found my way back to humor.
To this day, my friends tell me that Chandler is the Friend that I most resemble.
And that’s fine. I don’t mind being less emotional. It’s a lot less to worry about, and makeup is never a problem.
Except, I have become more emotional as I’ve grown up. I don’t cry at sad things, necessarily. But I cry when I am stressed out. I cry when I see my students performing in their school play or at the Thanksgiving Day Parade. I cry when my favorite actress finally wins her Tony Award.
And I cry at goodbyes. It’s a trait passed down to me by my uncle, who is famous in our family for crying whenever a big goodbye happens. And now I do the same.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not hardcore sobbing or anything. I just get choked up.
Today I said goodbye to the men and women at the school I have worked at for the past fourteen months. These people have seen me at my best and my worst. They’ve made me laugh and given me so much of themselves. It’s thanks to them that I am the teacher I am today, that I am confident in and love what I do. I can’t imagine not seeing them next year, not knowing what’s happening in their lives. It’s hard knowing that I won’t get to see my classroom anymore or tease my friends. Yes, a new chapter is starting in my life, but I am going to miss this old chapter so much.
And yay marriage equality!
I got offered a job! A real, live, actual teaching job.
Well, kind of. A year-long, long-term. At my old high school. Which means that all of my old teachers will now be my coworkers.
Okay, so it will be a little weird. And super awkward. But I honestly don’t mind. I’m shy and doubt I’ll talk to a lot of them, or make a lot of friends that I would hang out with on weekends. I’ll ignore all of the drama I’ve heard about. I will look on the bright side. I will put my nerves aside and be a great teacher.
But I am still anxious. There are still a few other jobs in the mix. Full-time, permanent positions. They’re at great schools, but they’re far away from my friends and family. I know I should take them if I were offered, but I’m terrified. How do I establish a life so far away from everything I know? In the middle of nowhere?
I know I shouldn’t worry about it yet. It’s not like I’ve been offered anything. I’m trying not to psych myself out about any of it. But it’s time for me to make some big grown-up decisions. I don’t know if I’m ready.
When I started this site, I told myself that I was going to be active. I want to meet and interact with other authors. And I want to get advice for my own stuff. I was going to be so good about it. It was going to be great.
Then real life happened.
It’s the end of the school year for my students. In fact, they start their final tomorrow. In an ordinary year, this would be hectic anyway, what with final grades and students needing to study and the fact that our school has NO AC (humidity and I are NOT friends).
BUT. I am about to lose this job. My position is victim to the many budget cuts that teachers face. Because of this, I am about to lose my health insurance, which is a VERY scary thought.
On top of that, I have gotten a zillion job interviews. This is a good thing. I KNOW it is. I know that the more interviews I go on, the more chance I have of landing a job. Unfortunately, interviews take a lot out of someone. Selling yourself, being your best, dealing with the nerves, is taxing. Especially when they make you teach in front of a group of real live students.
I have had 8 interviews in 2 weeks. And more before that. I am tired. I have a perpetual stomach ache. I keep losing my train of thought. Worst of all, I burst into tears in front of one of my classes today. For no reason. It’s been so hard.
I just want a job. I want this to be over. I want the anxiety to go away. I want to focus on other things.
But until then, I might be a little silent for a while.
When I started this thing, I told myself that I was going to stay active with it, that I was going to post several times a week. And I was really excited about it.
But then real life happened.
I’m a teacher, which is great. Except that teaching jobs are hard to come by in this neck of the woods. I’ve actually been searching for a full time job for five years now. I’ve had part time teaching jobs, and long term sub jobs, but nothing that stick. And so now, I am teaching full time in a job that is ending in a couple of weeks, and frantically applying for new jobs.
I’m getting a lot of calls. Six job interviews in two weeks is nothing to slouch about. But it’s hard. No one seems to understand that I still feel a kind of loyalty to the students that I have been working with all year. I want to stay with them, and help them do their best, until the end. And when I have to take days off for these interviews, I feel like I’m letting them down.
And on top of that, job interviews are SO TAXING. You’re asked the same variants of about ten questions, and you answer, hoping to appeal to that school’s sensibility. And you get psyched up and nervous, so when you’re done, you just want to sleep. AND THEN, you get your damn hopes up, only to hear that they are going with someone with more experience. Well how am I supposed to get experience if you don’t give it to me?!
How many times can I listen to someone tell me I am not quite good enough? What am I going to do if I don’t get a job?
There are always stories in my head. In fact, there are often more stories than I can keep track of most of the time. I’ve loved writing since I was a little kid with my nose stuck in my first chapter book. I’ve always written for fun, and I love it.
Unfortunately, I also love my day job. I’m a teacher, and as crazy and hectic as it can be, I love it. I love the kids and the struggles and the chaos. I love being that completely nerdy teacher that my students roll their eyes about.
But here is the problem. Teaching and writing don’t always mix. Even when I come home, my work isn’t done. There’s work to grade, emails to respond to, lessons to plan, and the general worry hanging over my head that I’ve messed up my students for life. It’s stressful.
The worst part about it all is that after a full 8+ hour day of teaching, I can’t do anything else. Words don’t want to come, and I certainly don’t want to sit up at a computer for hours and write a story. Even now, I am forcing myself to sit here and write this. My eyes are heavy and painful. I’m easily annoyed and brought to tears at the drop of a hat.
SO VERY TIRED.
And yet, there’s this story in my head, clamoring to get out. It’s been there for days, weeks, months. The only work I’ve been able to do on it is choose two names that I like to name my female protagonist. Because as exciting as it all is (and starting a new novel is one of my favorite things in the world), all’s I want to do is sleep until I don’t feel so uncomfortable anymore.
But look… so shiny…
